The biography of Gidean Foyd: The Birth

Gidean was born somewhere in the borderland between The Myridian Strip and Minmatar Republic. His parents moved there for the wonderfull beauty of the nebulas, and the peace and quiet that the Amarr Empire promised for those who decided to move there. The Myridian Strip was first and foremost a vacation resort, but many chose to move there to settle down.

After only a few years the peace and quietness was abrupt broken. The Blood Raiders, whos space were not far from the strip, caught the oppertunity and formed an invasion. Many people died and the battles was unfair and extremly bloody.

The Foyd family, with their three year old amarrillian son, fled towards the shuttlebay of the station, where they recently had taken refuge at. The only problem was, the Blood Raiders had already invaded the station and battle was fought almost everywhere, it seemed, near the hangar section of the station. They looked everywhere, but wherever they went, they hit a dead end. No where to go, without meeting the blasters of enemy troops. What should we do? - They thought for themselves. The noises of battle and footsteps came even closer now, from every direction. "Quickly son, get into this vent and dont you come out until its safe!" A cold and sudden silence fell during a couple of seconds. Gidean looked up into the eyes of his parents, filled with tears. "We love you Gidean, dont you ever forget that." - Those where the last words he ever heard from his parents, whom were shot down not long after Gidean had disappeared into the windy ventilation system.

Gidean crawled, crying and frustrated. Three years old, alone and no where to go. He crawled and he crawled in those vents. Suddenly he heard some voices, some friendly voices. It was the nice people from the slave section of the station. The ones who use to make food in the restaurants of the station. He recognized at least one of the voices as Margun Jatar, the friendly lady who gave him and his parents food during the first week of battle, when this station still was safe. He crawled towards the voice, knowing that there's may be someone nice and friendly at the source of it.

The very young boy slowly crawled out of the vent, looking from side to side in fright. "You poor child! Where did you come from? Wait... you are that boy from table fourteen. Tell me lad, where's your mom and dad?"

The boy was taken care of by Margun and her fellow cell mates. The battles never reached the jail-part of the station. After the raid was over they sneaked up to the shuttlebay, finding only three shuttles in hangar. Two they soon discovered had been broken by enemy fire and bombardments from capitalships outside, shooting into the hangar in purpose to destroy anyone trying to flee. The one shuttle that wasnt damaged was an of Amarr design. The five surviving, rough looking prisoners, including the boy, entered and tried to figure out how it worked.

The minmatar slaves had never seen the cockpit of an amarrillian vessel before. The boy took some steps towards the controlpanel. Pressing a small yellow button. " aawei!" He said. The shuttle powered up and autopilot kindly asked where the happy travellers vishes to go this fine day. The shuttle went towards Minmatar Republic and meanwhile, the group of people was trying to decide what to call the young boy. A young girl, Jaalrea, suddely flashed her eyes upon Margun. "What was it the boy said when he found the button Margun? Mill... Milliways? Yes that is his name! What do you think Margun? Can we call the boy... Milliways?"

Margun smiled and looked at Milliways. "Yes that's your name, Milliways. Milliways the navigator."

That was the end of the first chapter - The Birth.

  • Notera gärna stav/formuleringsfel i min text. Den är inte korrekturläst eller finslipad. Finns nog tonvis med fel där.

Postat av: Malin

mäktar inte att läsa men är impad av dig! Gott Nytt år och hälsa Annikan från mig =) KRam Malin

2007-12-30 @ 05:15:32
Postat av: Malin

eller jo jag läser iaf. stavningshjälp blir det för det är kul, och du bad om det. men den får du på mail. Kram

2007-12-30 @ 05:24:30
Postat av: Kim

Sjysst läsning. Bara ett par saker jag har att kommentera på.

Du måste öva dig lite på att använda kommatecken rätt. Man använder kommatecken för att skilja olika delar av en mening åt. Tänkte t.ex. på:

The only problem was"," the Blood Raiders had already invaded the station and battle was fought almost everywhere, it seemed, near the hangar section of the station.

Det markerade kommatecknet fyllar ingen funktion utan delar upp meningen på ett konstigt sätt. Samma fel går att finna på olika ställen i texten. Försök vara lite mer sparsam med dem

Sen stör jag mig personligen på små upprepningar. T.ex. så använder du "move there" tre gånger i första stycket. Ifall du omformulerar meningarna lite för att skapa variation kommer det kännas smidigare att läsa.

Det var nog allt. Ser fram emot att få läsa mer

2008-01-04 @ 16:19:18

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